Here is a link to the messages from chaNges on March 1, 2015, March 8, 2015, and March 15, 2015 if you want to play along.
chaNges | weeks 1, 2 & 3
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
It was Thursday morning at about 6AM. Everything was quiet. The first indications that the sun was about to arrive colored the horizon. All three boys, Kim and I were all asleep. That's when it happened. The (notice no ownership) 2-year-old got up and with all the force he could muster . . . punched me in the face--talk about being startled awake. I jumped up on my knees and was entirely prepared to lift and throw the intruder across the room. As an early riser, being sound asleep at 6 was unusual, so all the more startling to be woken by a punch in the face.
After it happened and I had a few minutes to process what happened, I realized how analogous getting punched in the face was to being a good dad. Stay with me here. Our true metal is revealed in our worst moments and getting punched in the face was a revealing worst-kind of moment. I sacrificed the bed to the 2-year-old and relegated myself to the couch. My peacemaker goals were met by taking my very unpeaceful self out of the situation.
For three weeks I have been tuning in to what God is teaching me through his word, through prayer, through fasting, and through meditation about His call on my life to be "daddy" to my boys. I have experienced very real breakthroughs and have been more aware than ever of the effect I have on my boys. God has implanted a very simple Truth in my heart as a dad: how do I bring peace? How do I bring peace to the household? How do I bring peace in my marriage? How do I bring peace to my boys? How do I bring peace?
Lord, thank you for a greater awareness of the change you are working in my life. Continue to mold me into a peacemaker. Help me to be known as a son of You. Amen.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
18/21 | Life In The Way
Here is a link to the messages from chaNges on March 1, 2015, March 8, 2015, and March 15, 2015 if you want to play along.
chaNges | weeks 1, 2 & 3
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
Life gets in the way of a lot of things: dishes, thank-you cards and apparently blogging. But, we can never let life get in the way of being a dad--or being a parent. In the last week I have caught vomit in my hands and cleaned it off the floor, my wife and I have punted without daycare during spring break for our two students, and work has been busier than it should. Life got in the way of this blogging, vulnerability thing, but it didn't get in the way of doing life with my family.
In the last week, I have experienced an many distractions from the 21 Days to a Better Dad than I should have, but business and distraction have taught me valuable lessons.
"Count it all joy, by brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
When I am tired, when I am distracted, when I am struggling personally; these are the times that scream for a peacemaker (is that ironic or rain on a wedding day?). In this last week, I have experienced all of the above and, by the grace of God, my boys, my marriage, my family have all been a blessing and blessed. Taking time away from work to be with sick children was time that I wouldn't have had without trial. A nap with a sick little boy is cuddle time that I wouldn't have had without trial.
What I learned in my tough last week is that when the trials come, and they will, press pause and live in the trial--each moment is a greater opportunity to peacemake and love.
Lord, thank you for the blessings of the last week. Thank You for drawing my family closer together. Please, Lord, help us to focus our eyes more on you. Amen.
chaNges | weeks 1, 2 & 3
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
Life gets in the way of a lot of things: dishes, thank-you cards and apparently blogging. But, we can never let life get in the way of being a dad--or being a parent. In the last week I have caught vomit in my hands and cleaned it off the floor, my wife and I have punted without daycare during spring break for our two students, and work has been busier than it should. Life got in the way of this blogging, vulnerability thing, but it didn't get in the way of doing life with my family.
In the last week, I have experienced an many distractions from the 21 Days to a Better Dad than I should have, but business and distraction have taught me valuable lessons.
"Count it all joy, by brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
When I am tired, when I am distracted, when I am struggling personally; these are the times that scream for a peacemaker (is that ironic or rain on a wedding day?). In this last week, I have experienced all of the above and, by the grace of God, my boys, my marriage, my family have all been a blessing and blessed. Taking time away from work to be with sick children was time that I wouldn't have had without trial. A nap with a sick little boy is cuddle time that I wouldn't have had without trial.
What I learned in my tough last week is that when the trials come, and they will, press pause and live in the trial--each moment is a greater opportunity to peacemake and love.
Lord, thank you for the blessings of the last week. Thank You for drawing my family closer together. Please, Lord, help us to focus our eyes more on you. Amen.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
13/21 | Post-Mini-Vacation Puke
Here is a link to the messages from chaNges on March 1, 2015 and March 8, 2015 if you want to play along.
chaNges | weeks 1 & 2
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.It started with a Friday start to an 11 day spring break and then a quick Thursday, overnight, mini-vacation to a Wisconsin water park, and then morphed into a sick spouse and puking 2 year old. There it is, my entire litany of excuses as to why I haven't been faithful to recording each day of my 21 days to a better dad thing.
Being a dad on vacation, even just an overnight, is a little like eating on the run--not much for nutritional value and it needs to be packaged just right or it will spoil. We had a blast at the water park, but let's just say my goals for peace in my family and their goals for flashing lights and too many exciting opportunities didn't exactly line up.
While this was our 4th time at this particular water park--so no excused like earlier in this blog--the varying times and irregularity of bedtime was a bit of a nightmare. I think that we thought we had things figured out by my wife bringing up the 2 year old of bed early and my staying with the bigs at the arcade until it closed was going to be the solution, but the arcade closed a little earlier than expected and we didn't have enough time to get the youngest to fall asleep. So when the three of us arcaders arrived back in the room--it started a tough hour and 15 minutes of over-tired baby wrestling while settling down 2 others hopped up on bright lights.
Anticipation. This is where a better communication plan would have been perfect. Very easily I could have texted and found out that the 2 year old was not asleep and kept the bigs busy until he was, but I assumed that he would sleep. There is nothing further from anticipation than assumption and, in our case, nothing further from peace than a rough night.
The little effort that it has taken to keep the home front at least ready for peace has been surprisingly effective. Now if we can just get the 2 year old back to normal and use enough Clorox wipes to keep what he has from spreading any further. We should all be on the road to recovery.
Lord, thank you for the opportunities to give my boys and my family joy experiences. Please increase in me Your peace. Amen.
chaNges | weeks 1 & 2
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.It started with a Friday start to an 11 day spring break and then a quick Thursday, overnight, mini-vacation to a Wisconsin water park, and then morphed into a sick spouse and puking 2 year old. There it is, my entire litany of excuses as to why I haven't been faithful to recording each day of my 21 days to a better dad thing.
Being a dad on vacation, even just an overnight, is a little like eating on the run--not much for nutritional value and it needs to be packaged just right or it will spoil. We had a blast at the water park, but let's just say my goals for peace in my family and their goals for flashing lights and too many exciting opportunities didn't exactly line up.
While this was our 4th time at this particular water park--so no excused like earlier in this blog--the varying times and irregularity of bedtime was a bit of a nightmare. I think that we thought we had things figured out by my wife bringing up the 2 year old of bed early and my staying with the bigs at the arcade until it closed was going to be the solution, but the arcade closed a little earlier than expected and we didn't have enough time to get the youngest to fall asleep. So when the three of us arcaders arrived back in the room--it started a tough hour and 15 minutes of over-tired baby wrestling while settling down 2 others hopped up on bright lights.Anticipation. This is where a better communication plan would have been perfect. Very easily I could have texted and found out that the 2 year old was not asleep and kept the bigs busy until he was, but I assumed that he would sleep. There is nothing further from anticipation than assumption and, in our case, nothing further from peace than a rough night.
The little effort that it has taken to keep the home front at least ready for peace has been surprisingly effective. Now if we can just get the 2 year old back to normal and use enough Clorox wipes to keep what he has from spreading any further. We should all be on the road to recovery.
Lord, thank you for the opportunities to give my boys and my family joy experiences. Please increase in me Your peace. Amen.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
18/21 | The Power of Sugar
Here is a link to the message chaNges from March 1, 2015 if you want to play along.
chaNges | week1
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
Schools are an interesting place. As an elementary student a couple of times a month you get either French Toast Sticks or Pancakes for lunch. I remember looking so forward to those days as a student and, like square pizza, schools still serve it. Never did I think anything about it until I had a boy that has a significant response to refined sugar and the stuff that has the greatest impact on his day, the most significant influence on spiking his energy level is inexpensive syrup made with refined sugar. And, unfortunately, this is the exact thing they serve at school.
Unfortunately, this meant that our family of five was represented by just three for Redeemer's Lent Programming (an amazing teaching from Pastor Emmanuel Mkubwa on fasting by the way). Mom and child had a very good evening hanging and baking together, but I was reminded at how little effort it takes to manage a situation like this.
Amazingly, the schools send home a lunch menu home before each month begins and I can look at it and determine if I need to send a cold lunch on any particular day--they let just about anyone do that. Anticipation. A good night of rest and today is a new day.
I had a great conversation with my oldest on the way home from church last night. In talking about his brother he offered himself to help his brother when he is have a rough day getting along. I love what he said, "Dad, the other day I was able to help a friend of mine calm down when he was really mad and wanted to get in a fight. I think that is one of the things that I'm good at." We talked about what that means and I helped him to name it. My oldest is developing--changing--into a peacemaker.
Lord, thank you for the work that you are doing in my children, changing them for Your purpose. Amen.
chaNges | week1
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
Schools are an interesting place. As an elementary student a couple of times a month you get either French Toast Sticks or Pancakes for lunch. I remember looking so forward to those days as a student and, like square pizza, schools still serve it. Never did I think anything about it until I had a boy that has a significant response to refined sugar and the stuff that has the greatest impact on his day, the most significant influence on spiking his energy level is inexpensive syrup made with refined sugar. And, unfortunately, this is the exact thing they serve at school.
Unfortunately, this meant that our family of five was represented by just three for Redeemer's Lent Programming (an amazing teaching from Pastor Emmanuel Mkubwa on fasting by the way). Mom and child had a very good evening hanging and baking together, but I was reminded at how little effort it takes to manage a situation like this.
Amazingly, the schools send home a lunch menu home before each month begins and I can look at it and determine if I need to send a cold lunch on any particular day--they let just about anyone do that. Anticipation. A good night of rest and today is a new day.
I had a great conversation with my oldest on the way home from church last night. In talking about his brother he offered himself to help his brother when he is have a rough day getting along. I love what he said, "Dad, the other day I was able to help a friend of mine calm down when he was really mad and wanted to get in a fight. I think that is one of the things that I'm good at." We talked about what that means and I helped him to name it. My oldest is developing--changing--into a peacemaker.
Lord, thank you for the work that you are doing in my children, changing them for Your purpose. Amen.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
19/21 | A Peaceful De-Clutter
The big question that I have been mulling over the last couple of days is: "how do I increase the peace for my boys?" Yesterday was a great example of how things can line up even without a lot of effort--especially considering that I had an evening meal and was not around for much of it. Homework was done before I got home and everyone else went to the YMCA while I dropped in on a meeting at church. I did make it home for bed time 8:25 for an 8:30 lights out, but it was as smooth as smooth can be.
My family lives in a modest sized house for the five of us. Having multi-functional space is critical to our survival. There is no better example of this than our kitchen table. Our kitchen table is for eating, doing homework, charging iPods, playing games, doing crafts, my wife's sewing station, sorting mail, and currently . . . blogging. So to keep the space open and organized takes a daily commitment--but provides the greatest amount of environmentally induced peace. With this one effort, breakfast takes place in a peaceful environment, homework takes place in peace, legos get put together in peace, dinner happens in peace, games are played in peace, and like last night--Dairy Queen bedtime treats are consumed in peace.
I can't change the size of my home, but I can change the way that I anticipate its usage. The journey to "better dad" is paved with a million small changes over a lifetime. Here is one small change that has yielded significant peace results.
Lord, thank you for the ways that you are working through and changing me as I seek to be a peacemaker in my family. I am humbled by the desire you've placed in me to see the DeShaw boys grow into amazing followers of You.
My family lives in a modest sized house for the five of us. Having multi-functional space is critical to our survival. There is no better example of this than our kitchen table. Our kitchen table is for eating, doing homework, charging iPods, playing games, doing crafts, my wife's sewing station, sorting mail, and currently . . . blogging. So to keep the space open and organized takes a daily commitment--but provides the greatest amount of environmentally induced peace. With this one effort, breakfast takes place in a peaceful environment, homework takes place in peace, legos get put together in peace, dinner happens in peace, games are played in peace, and like last night--Dairy Queen bedtime treats are consumed in peace.I can't change the size of my home, but I can change the way that I anticipate its usage. The journey to "better dad" is paved with a million small changes over a lifetime. Here is one small change that has yielded significant peace results.
Lord, thank you for the ways that you are working through and changing me as I seek to be a peacemaker in my family. I am humbled by the desire you've placed in me to see the DeShaw boys grow into amazing followers of You.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
20/21 | Trouble, T-rama, & Tears
Here is a link to the message chaNges from March 1, 2015 if you want to play along.
chaNges | week1
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
I'm not certain that we could have started out the day better. The bigs (the oldest two of my three boys) were up and ready for school in plenty of time. We had good time to eat breakfast, get dressed, pack bags, and pray. There was even time to check out a book from my 7 year old's bedroom library. There was so much peace as we all prepared to face the day.
The plan to smooth out what could sometimes be a frantic hour of scrambling to get the boys off to school, while just one day, seemed to work.
Then . . . after school happened. It only took an hour for the spiral to start. e had a rough day at school that we talked through then the whole family ate and we played the most chaotic version of the board game Trouble possible--we were no match for the 2 year-old that wanted to play.
Dinner together, game time together, you could imagine that all was good on the home front. That, however was not the case. My attempt to bring down the energy level in the house unexpectedly induced tears and a melt-down--the peace was over.
Kim, my wife, looked over at me and quoted a recent Redeemer sermon, "It begins with 'd' and rhymes with 'schrama.'"
It was not much later that things had settled into bed time--I was sucked in to the littlest's bedtime routine--and I fell asleep with God's Word resonating through my evening prayers.
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."
At first I believed that the Holy Spirit was calling this to my mind specifically as it related to creating a peaceful environment for my family, but the relationship between those who make peace and what it means to be called "sons of God" is what I woke up this morning thinking. My greatest desire for my boys is that they would grow to know and love Jesus and live into what it means to be not just a son of me, but more importantly of son of God.
Lord, thank you for the gift of prayer that brings unexplainable peace. Develop in me a witness of peace for my children. Amen.
chaNges | week1
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
I'm not certain that we could have started out the day better. The bigs (the oldest two of my three boys) were up and ready for school in plenty of time. We had good time to eat breakfast, get dressed, pack bags, and pray. There was even time to check out a book from my 7 year old's bedroom library. There was so much peace as we all prepared to face the day.
The plan to smooth out what could sometimes be a frantic hour of scrambling to get the boys off to school, while just one day, seemed to work.
Then . . . after school happened. It only took an hour for the spiral to start. e had a rough day at school that we talked through then the whole family ate and we played the most chaotic version of the board game Trouble possible--we were no match for the 2 year-old that wanted to play.
Dinner together, game time together, you could imagine that all was good on the home front. That, however was not the case. My attempt to bring down the energy level in the house unexpectedly induced tears and a melt-down--the peace was over.
It was not much later that things had settled into bed time--I was sucked in to the littlest's bedtime routine--and I fell asleep with God's Word resonating through my evening prayers.
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."
At first I believed that the Holy Spirit was calling this to my mind specifically as it related to creating a peaceful environment for my family, but the relationship between those who make peace and what it means to be called "sons of God" is what I woke up this morning thinking. My greatest desire for my boys is that they would grow to know and love Jesus and live into what it means to be not just a son of me, but more importantly of son of God.
Lord, thank you for the gift of prayer that brings unexplainable peace. Develop in me a witness of peace for my children. Amen.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
21 | Change-Awareness Exercise
Here is a link to the message chaNges from March 1, 2015 if you want to play along.
chaNges | week1
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
Here goes. Right now as I glance up at the clock it is 10:17PM and I can still hear voices whispering in the room that my oldest two boys share. I put the 2 year old to bed at 8:30, but there is something about Sunday nights that always makes falling asleep difficult for the older two. Already, I have experienced the hesitance that comes with doing this challenge online--but my goal is to embrace the change and share a little about my experience.
I love my boys desperately, but sometimes it seems that I let life, and specifically schedules get in the way. There was a stretch just a couple of weeks ago where I missed 3 consecutive bedtimes with meetings at church and 5 out of 7 in one week. And I love my mornings. My wife gets the youngest one up and out the door 20 minutes before I have to get the oldest one up, fed, dressed, and ready to face the day. It is temptingly easy to push that 20 minutes into 25 or even 30 as I enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and some time in the Bible.
To start things off, bedtime and mornings are where I am focused. While unrealistic to expect that I can be home for every bedtime in the next 21 days--I don't have complete control of my schedule--I am committing to missing fewer than 1 per week or 3 total. That means that I will be home at 7:30 for that time before bed.
In our house the morning routine truly sets the tone for the day. If I am pushing, pushing to get the boys from bead to bus, there is no time to love on them. The middle is the last one out the door and sometimes can struggle with his behavior in school--but the days that we can relax together and pray together as he stands with all of his winter gear on at the front door, those God-first days are the best. The mood, the demeanor is totally different.
This afternoon was a high-energy, cooped-up, ears-closed kind of struggle. Lots of deep breathes. Lots of "What is truly important?" moments. The biggest thing in being a changed dad for me right now is setting expectations before hand, so when things do get out of control, my boys know the lines. Wayne Gretzky had a great quote when asked what made him the greatest hockey player to ever play the game. He said, "I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been." Anticipation, God is working on my parenting in how I anticipate. Move out of the reaction and on to anticipation.
Well, now it is really late, but things seem to have quieted down.
Lord, bless the DeShaw boys and keep working a change in me. Do whatever you need to in me so that you can do whatever you will with me. Amen.
chaNges | week1
Also, please use the comments to post your own experience with the 21 Day Change-Awareness Exercise (21DCAE). Please know that I will do my best to pray over post and prayer request as we do this together. Good luck.
Here goes. Right now as I glance up at the clock it is 10:17PM and I can still hear voices whispering in the room that my oldest two boys share. I put the 2 year old to bed at 8:30, but there is something about Sunday nights that always makes falling asleep difficult for the older two. Already, I have experienced the hesitance that comes with doing this challenge online--but my goal is to embrace the change and share a little about my experience.
I love my boys desperately, but sometimes it seems that I let life, and specifically schedules get in the way. There was a stretch just a couple of weeks ago where I missed 3 consecutive bedtimes with meetings at church and 5 out of 7 in one week. And I love my mornings. My wife gets the youngest one up and out the door 20 minutes before I have to get the oldest one up, fed, dressed, and ready to face the day. It is temptingly easy to push that 20 minutes into 25 or even 30 as I enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and some time in the Bible.
To start things off, bedtime and mornings are where I am focused. While unrealistic to expect that I can be home for every bedtime in the next 21 days--I don't have complete control of my schedule--I am committing to missing fewer than 1 per week or 3 total. That means that I will be home at 7:30 for that time before bed.
In our house the morning routine truly sets the tone for the day. If I am pushing, pushing to get the boys from bead to bus, there is no time to love on them. The middle is the last one out the door and sometimes can struggle with his behavior in school--but the days that we can relax together and pray together as he stands with all of his winter gear on at the front door, those God-first days are the best. The mood, the demeanor is totally different.
This afternoon was a high-energy, cooped-up, ears-closed kind of struggle. Lots of deep breathes. Lots of "What is truly important?" moments. The biggest thing in being a changed dad for me right now is setting expectations before hand, so when things do get out of control, my boys know the lines. Wayne Gretzky had a great quote when asked what made him the greatest hockey player to ever play the game. He said, "I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been." Anticipation, God is working on my parenting in how I anticipate. Move out of the reaction and on to anticipation.
Well, now it is really late, but things seem to have quieted down.
Lord, bless the DeShaw boys and keep working a change in me. Do whatever you need to in me so that you can do whatever you will with me. Amen.
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